She didn't get it from me...

In our house food is the devil. Feeding my child is absolute torture and it has been since day one. Don't get me wrong, things are better half-way through our fourth year, but we are still participating in a never ending war.  I have the green monster of jealousy sitting on my shoulder every time I see a kid gobble down a veggie. 

My squirrel will not eat potatoes, beef, shrimp, lunch meat, vegetables of any kind, any white sauces, any yellow sauces, anything with visible pepper... did I mention she won't eat potatoes? What kid won't eat a FRENCH FRY? Ranch dressing is her nemesis. She swallows diced carrots and corn whole so that she doesn't have to taste them. And I'm pretty sure she could eat mac and cheese for every meal every day and not get sick of it.

In the magical fantasy land of what to expect books, nobody ever tells you that your kid has a 50-50 chance of having food fears and aversions. You can't predict it, it's nothing you did, and it's nothing you can prevent. I swear to you my squirrel is a super-taster, who has texture issues, and food fears. Nothing says "enjoy your dinner" like a gagging preschooler.

Flashback time...

I nursed, I loved it. My girl did great. I went back to work. The pump was a nightmare, every second was torture and left me feeling defeated. At 3 months old we switched to formula... and so it began.

At 4 months old my girl began to refuse to take more than a few ounces at a time, she had to be tightly swaddled in order to eat well.

At 7 months old she would not take a bottle for anyone but me, at daycare she may only take 4-6 ounces all day. My husband and I took turns sticking a bottle in her sleeping mouth before we went to bed just to get her calories in her. 

At 10 months she would not take a bottle during the day AT ALL. I started mixing her formula with apple juice and putting it in a sippy cup, she may only take 4-6 ounces all day. At 10pm we stuck a cereal fortified, apple juice mixed, 8 ounce bottle in her mouth, and stood over the rail of her crib to feed her while asleep, hoping to get though the night without an angry hungry baby. Desperation. At this point in the "war on food" I let the pediatrician know my concerns... she was growing, just slowly and I was pretty much told to "keep fighting the good fight".

When I finally said "F*&K YOU" to the bottle, our girl was 12 months old. She was eating solid food well, I switched to milk, and I said a prayer. In 12 months, she never held her own bottle, not once. Don't call me a sucker... She wouldn't hold it at daycare either. It's like she was saying "You want me to have that? It's on! Bring it.."

At 18 months old Squirrel's asthma was out of control, she was still suffering from acid reflux and she had JUST hit 20 lbs. Our pediatrician took her off milk. It was a blessing and a curse at the same time. She quit spitting up and her asthma got better, but there went a source of calories. She wouldn't drink soy or almond milk either.

Fast forward through the next 2 years and you see an underweight, high energy little girl who saw mealtime as torture. Restaurants meant tantrums because in her little mind she was thinking "these fools are eating again?!?" Looking back at myself, I see an anxious, organic-food-crazed, calorie-counting-fool, who wanted desperately for her daughter to love healthy food. Fail.

There is no happy ending to this story. 

I gave up. The last 2 years I have transformed from a 100% organic preaching mom, to giving my kid 1/2 of a honey bun and a drinkable yogurt for breakfast every morning. Don't judge.. you'll do the same thing when your kid wakes up "hangry" from lack of calories from the day before. My kid eats to not be hungry, she does not eat for fun. She "taps out" on things she doesn't enjoy after three bites.

Here is the moral of the story. I thought that I could control my kids eating, and that just didn't happen. Just because I cooked an organic, healthy meal, didn't mean she was going to eat it. True Story.

For those of you going through the same situation STAY STRONG! Keep putting those veggies on the plate. Enforce the three bite rule. Let them gag themselves sick, they'll stop when the realize that leads to vomit. PRAISE them when they try new things, even if its just a lick. She swallowed one bite of a pickle tonight the size of a tic-tac.. I whooped and hollered for joy! Pickles are green :) that counts as a veggie right? Put fruit on every plate. If they are hungry after dinner has been served, have an "only" snack, like apples or yogurt.

(Her "only" snacks.. )

Those of you with a kid that eats... quit giving advice. It's an apples and oranges situation. We know you mean well... but you have never experienced this. We aren't feeding them candy for dinner so don't judge us. Our kids are not over-eaters and probably never will be.

For those of you without kids, quit judging. You have NO idea what you might deal with one day. Don't burn bridges with those who are having a hard time, you might want to know how they got through it. 

Moms we have to quit feeling guilty. Period. Do what works for you and your kid :) It's just a phase right?

Here are a few things that I do or have done that help.

- Buy orange colored baby foods and mix them in mac and cheese :) It's a beautiful thing. Who cares what age they are.

- Mix blended/pureed spinach into your pizza sauce. (baby food green beans work too!)

- Put cooked chicken into the food processor with cheddar cheese, blend until smooth, spread on tortilla and warm it up:) "what chicken?"

- Look for the fruit squeeze pouches that are filled with heathly green goodness and serve them cold. Don't tell them whats in it. These live in my purse.

- Call all meat chicken. True Story.